Masks - A guest post from @EmilyLaney

Photo by Nina Matthews Photography

Masks

ByEmily Walter Laney

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” – Galatians 1:10, ESV

I’ve seen a lot of references to being ‘true to yourself’ over the past couple of days. My pastor, Louie Giglio, tweeted once “If you’re always worried about what your friends might think then maybe they aren’t your friends after all….. make your ambition to please Jesus. He’ll take care of everything else.” Those tweets convicted me. I feel I’ve expelled extensive energy on pleasing people for much of my adolescent and adult life. I worry too much by nature, but my concern for what others ‘think’ is too frequent and too consuming.

I grew up in the suburbs, and realized pretty quickly in adulthood that my ambitions dreams, political beliefs and even my personality didn’t always 'fit in’ with other women of my age in my community. I was raised to vote Republican, adhere to Southern Baptist theology, and stick with a list of dos and don’ts. I was surrounded by people who considered being a stay at home mother the ideal situation for themselves and didn’t meet very many female leaders in my faith community. Drinking alcohol was a sin, and homosexuality seemed to be the worst sin on the planet. Now, don’t take this the wrong way, I don’t think Republicans, Southern Baptists, and stay-at-home moms are bad. I love my mom, and she stayed at home with us. I think we all have viewpoints and dreams, and these are all good viewpoints and dreams, I’m just offering an illustration of the community I grew up in.

In 2005 I spent six months in Indonesia after the Tsunami. This was a period of tremendous growth and learning for me. I was confronted with more diversity in six months of my life than I had experienced in twenty years of life in Woodstock, Georgia. I met Christians who spoke in tongues, drank beer, and considered themselves Democrats. I met authentic, Godly people who didn’t have the exact same beliefs and convictions as me. It was challenging and I struggled to reconcile my beliefs with theirs. But the Lord ultimately brought peace to this struggle and I came to recognize that Jesus was the center and that I had no right to judge someone’s walk with Christ. The Christians I met in Indonesia had faith that put my own to shame. They were soul winners, passionate disciples who were changing the world. I realized that I had much to learn from them, as I had been living in a white suburban American Christian bubble.

The ultimate result of that trip was that my own opinions began to shift and I found myself not quite fitting into that bubble I had grown up in. I didn’t consider all those values I had been raised to adhere to as important as I had in the past. I had friends tell me I had abandoned my beliefs. I had people criticize my desire to help others.  My comments were frequently met with blank stares and uncomfortable silences. There were a few women I connected with and I have so many wonderful friends, but I often felt out of place and awkward. I was that weird girl who would bring up uncomfortable topics at dinner parties and dragged my friends to see foreign films. My passion for social justice consumed me, and I guess it annoyed other people. It didn’t annoy everyone, and fortunately my now husband was more fascinated by my weirdness than turned off by it, resulting in him asking me on that first date.  I developed some close friendships during this time and I’m so thankful for my friends. I know that most of my friends have accepted me for who I am, and I have accepted them for who they are.

But I have started to realize that I’ve not been true to who I am. It’s no one’s fault but my own. I frequently put on a mask because I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want people’s opinions of me to change. I don’t want to be seen as a weak or  ‘bad Christian.’ I disconnected myself from a small group because I felt different, instead of reaching out and being myself. I developed resentment towards close friends because I felt that I had been judged. Was I judged? Probably not. These were my own issues, my own struggles with wanting to be accepted. I even find myself wearing a mask on my blog. I’ve held back and only written about stuff that I thought I was ‘supposed’ to write about. But, in the last couple of months God has really been working on me. Through this, God has been helping me to peel off these masks. He’s been showing me that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be myself. He made me the way I am for a reason. He’s thrown opportunities my way and allowed me and Brent to begin to reconnect into Christian community.

It’s exhausting to wear a mask every day. I’m challenging myself to peel them off and be who God made me to be. I’m attempting to not worry about what my friends think or how I’m culturally ‘supposed’ to act. I’m going to focus on Jesus and allow Him to guide me. He’s been providing and guiding the Laney’s in tremendous ways this year. It has been painful at times, but ultimately so beautiful and victorious. He’s reshaping us to be more like Him and I think He has redirected our paths that will change our lives. If I’m spending time with Jesus and searching His Word and listening for His voice, He will be pleased. And that’s all that matters.

I wonder if I’m alone with my ‘mask’ issues. If you struggle with masks too, know that I’m praying for you. I pray everyone can throw off their masks and we can all embrace each other in our differences. Jesus has big plans for each of us, and all He wants us to do is please Him, trust Him, and allow Him to mold and shape us to His image.



Emily Laney is a social worker, educator and justice seeker. She has worked with vulnerable populations in the United States and abroad and loves to help start-up nonprofits reach their goals. She is a Passion City Church door holder and leads a team of abolitionists at Not for Sale Georgia.  She loves her husband Brent and their rescue pup Biscuit. Sunsets and Sushi make her happy.  

You can connect with Emily on twitter @emilylaney or on her blog www.emilylaney.com  

Image caption for post: Photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography (creative commons)

Image caption for my photo: Photo credit: Katie Luman Photography

Super Heroes ~ A Guest post from @Truefaced 's John Lynch

Photo property of Open Door Fellowship, Phoenix, AZ

Super Heroes 

by John Lynch 

I have donned the cape of Middle Aged Man for the last time. Last Sunday ended my run with the “Lesser Known Super Heroes”. I will no longer fight crime next to Poultry Man, Accordion Man and Sopapilla Woman. It’s not likely I’ll be that missed. I think this crime-fighting band has come out of the shadows of secrecy only five times over the last ten years, and that was only to publicize church picnics.

None of them really have any “super powers”, although Sopapilla Woman, wearing a protective oven mitt, does throw really hot cinnamon and sugar encrusted sopapillas at criminals with pretty uncanny accuracy.

I didn’t really want this to end; but, a friend, after our most recent performance mentioned that 55 is pushing the boundaries of middle age. I realized in that moment that my season in the sun was over and that someone younger would need to take my place.

I’ve been thinking about why we’ve done this bit all these years. It gets more embarrassing each time, as the tiny super hero tee-shirts reveal more and more…well middle-agedness. We frighten both newcomers and children alike.

But I have come to understand we never existed just to publicize picnics but maybe to promote a way of life with each other. We are each leaders in our church. And so we are teaching a whole bunch of convictions every time we stumble out in front of our family. Here are just three of probably six-hundred-some:

*Dignity does not come from dressing up in formal clothing.  We look silly and undignified. But we were never supposed to pretend to be any different than the people we serve. There is no clergy-laity separation in our convictions. Over the years I have discovered that I have received incredible respect, dignity, honor, permission and trust, mostly by never pretending I was someone above or apart from them. Influence is never achieved by a title or position, but only through being authentic, faithful and genuine enough to be trusted. Any time we can take off the robe of religious superiority with our own vulnerability, self-directed humor, and commonness, people flock to open their hearts and give permission.

*Church can be the most winsomely fun and enjoyable place in town. We are convinced God absolutely delights in laughter and playful joy. Joy has to be given expression. I really believe God probably gathers His angels around on occasion and says, “You gotta watch this. These guys are funny.” Reverence is not a pious voice or a solemnly quiet room. Reverence is when God is lifted up in all of who He is. We can teach a false and stupid dichotomy. We laugh and enjoy all week long and then we come to church and suddenly we can stage something melodramatically serious, piously trite or manipulatively condemning. It really is possible for there to be tears, repentance, communion, worship…andraucous laughter in the same morning. It’s all who God has made us to be. Cool God.

*An environment of health and grace celebrates. As I looked out at my friends last Sunday, it was so beautiful. We are all hurting, grieving over something. We’re afraid and concerned about twenty things. But for five minutes a family got to celebrate that love wins, that grace wins, that Jesus wins. That His life in us transcends and trumps the cynicism and despair of our culture. Everyone in that audience last Sunday was hooting and hollering and laughing in joy, shouting to us spontaneous blurts of mock offense. Even the most pious, stoic newcomer was compelled to smile, and drink in the infectious joy. The moment wonderfully models and teaches an environment of grace. Such who come under its delight, learn to no longer live a double life: one of pretend moral togetherness on Sunday and mortal inconsistencies and guilt the rest of the week.

I donned the cape for the last time Sunday. But I pray that, like the Dread Pirate Roberts of Princess Bride, anotherMiddle Aged Man is waiting in the wings. I pray that one Sunday morning, a few years from now, sitting in the audience, I will be surprised by the sudden loudness of the theme from Batman as the Super Heroes emerge from the crowd and another Middle Aged Man begins delivering lines. That’s when I’ll know my work here is done.

John Lynch

As a great communicator and writer, John Lynch is a vital staff member of the Truefaced team and co-writer of The Cure and TrueFaced the book. In addition to speaking nationally with the Truefaced team since 1997, John has co-authored a number of books and resources with Truefaced, including the bestseller The Cure and the popular TrueFaced Two Roads audio-video message.

John served for 27 years as teaching pastor at Open Door Fellowship in Phoenix, Arizona, a position that he held since 1985. He recently stepped out of that role to begin working full time at Truefaced. The authenticity, longevity, and playfulness of these two flawed communities, Open Door and the Truefaced group, brings real-world reality and potency to this Truefaced message.

John used his love for writing and performing as the co-founder and playwright for Sharkey Productions, a theater troupe focused on Gospel-anchored theater productions for those still seeking Jesus. John and his wife Stacey are passionate parents to their three children Caleb, Amy and Carly. They are grandparents to Maci and Payton.

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Originally posted on www.TrueFaced.com Nov. 9, 2008. Used with permission. Original post can be found here.