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| Photo by Amelia Grace Photography |
After beginning with the
Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Galatians 3:3
I was a new facilitator in my support group. I wanted to do
everything right. I wanted to help these ladies who needed a safe place to
share their pain. But, I blew it. On the very first night that I had my own
group, I totally blew it.
Five years later I can't remember many details from that
night...except how I blew it. I remember that very well. I can almost remember
the words perfectly. Ugh. I feel embarrassed when I think about them.
Here's what happened:
A lady in my group was sharing about how she was protecting her
children from some realities in her extended family. The realities were sinful
and she didn't want her children to know anything about that sin so she lied. I
said, "I can't believe you would lie to your kids about that. Isn't that
as bad as what is going on? How could you justify lying to them like
that?"
It took a nanosecond for me to realize what I had done and to
regret it. So when our group broke up for the evening and this lady was
shooting out the door, I shot after her to apologize. I told her how wrong I
was and asked her forgiveness, and let her go. I couldn't really keep her
hostage until she was ready to forgive.
That night as I called my leader, I was filled with dread. I had
to let her know what an awful group facilitator I had been. I fully expected
her to let me know my help was no longer needed.
Instead the leader of our support group said, "There's grace
for that. We all blow it sometimes as leaders. You’re new. Stop beating
yourself up. You owned it and apologized. Let it go. Learn from it. God may
even use your mistake in that woman's life."
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. There was grace for me. I didn't have to be perfect. I could
make mistakes and still be considered a good group leader. Relief flooded my
soul. Not only could God still use me, He might even use the mess I made. When
I hung up the phone, I felt amazed at God's goodness and hopeful about my
future.
It's ironic that as Christians we offer grace to those who don't
know Christ, while withholding grace from those who have already trusted Him.
It's as if there is only enough grace to cross from hell to heaven, but not
enough to live every day. We tell unbelievers, "God is bigger than your
sins. There is nothing you have done that He won't forgive. Come to
Jesus." Basically, that was the same message my leader gave me.
Why had I not heard that much since I became a Christian?
Maybe if we knew there was grace, we could be real with others
about our struggles, our sins, and our pain. We wouldn't have to hide, pretend,
and posture in self-righteousness. Maybe we might just begin to believe that
God loves us, not based on how well we perform, but based on what His Son did
at the cross on our behalf. And maybe, we could all breathe a sigh of relief.
His grace is enough.
Why do you think it is difficult for believers to extend grace to
one another? Was that kind of grace missing in your church experience? I’d love
to hear your thoughts.
Karen loves to write and lead
women's support group. She is learning to walk in God's grace day to day as
well as learning to extend that grace to others. You can follow her blog at karencone.org.
