Discerning Between My Side of the Fence and Yours - by Cheryl Laurenza

Photo by Amelia Grace Photography

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”

Galatians 6: 1-5 NIV 

This is such an important subject for Christians. It took some time to be able to see that there is a difference between what I need to be responsible for "my side of the fence" and what I can come alongside and help others with, their "side of the fence" burden." Here's the difference, just as I have my side of the fence as identified in Galatians as "load" others have their side, their responsibilities or " load" as well. I am not responsible for others load, basically what you need to do for yourself. If I make myself responsible, this enables you to not pick up your load, and casts me in a role as "Rescuer."

Many of those in ministry I have walked with while on staff at FBCW (First Baptist Church, Woodstock, GA), did not make a distinction here and ended up overwhelmed, stressed out, burnt out, and suffering from compassion fatigue. We are not called to do for others what they need to take care of themselves. Where we need to come alongside is what that same verse describes as a "burden." Because our language is not very specific, the difference escapes us.

A burden would be that overwhelming thing that you cannot manage, fix, change or alter on your own. A wayward kid (you need prayer, comfort and support), job loss, serious illness etc. I can do the former as well as minister to real physical or financial needs. Do you see the difference? It's not me helping you be irresponsible in your life by doing things for you that you alone ought to do, but helping and supporting you where you are under a "burden."  

I have 3 really close sisters in Christ who I cherish. We used to meet and pray and support each other through life's issues prior to my relocation. This was a good environment to really see what needed comfort and prayer, and what needed action and caring involvement. So if in any of your relationships you are feeling taken advantage of, burnt out etc., check yourself to see if you have stepped across the line into someone else's "yard" and get yourself out of there.  

You see people who are irresponsible and those that are codependent seem to fit together out of brokenness. We are all broken, yet freedom starts by recognizing it and working on "our side of the fence" to make sure our boundaries are clear and appropriate - and not feel guilty about it. We don't want high and impenetrable walls however, but praying for discernment between loads and burdens will keep us healthy and able to minister without having the life sucked out of us or feeling guilty for not taking care of everyone. 

Blessings 

Cheryl Laurenza, LPC, NCC

Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor

"When You’re Tired of the Season You’re In" By Rebecca Halton



Photo by Amelia Grace Photography

 

Matthew  11:28-30

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”



As I write this, it’s snowing outside my window, the first “real” snow of Winter.  It’s so beautiful and pure.  Like a newborn, the first snow is excitedly welcomed – especially after nine months of waiting.  Before the work and fatigue of parenting begins, there is this sweet time of sheer joy that the season has begun.

That’s what today was like, just joy.  Then again, I haven’t had to go out in it, yet.  I haven’t yet had a backache from shoveling.  The snow itself isn’t yet marred by dirty tire tracks (and dogs with full bladders), and it has not yet been three months of Winter, Winter, and more Winter.  Ask me in February how excited I get when it starts snowing – again.

This is how seasons usually begin: they’re new again, and so is our enthusiasm.  If you’re like me, you promise yourself less grumbling this year than the year before.  You promise to be grateful, even when you’re craving springtime. You promise to be thankful, even when you’re scraping ice off your windshield – for the 60^th time.

This is also how seasons begin in my life.  I usually embark excitedly on each new or renewed season.  I have every intention of less gripe and more gratitude.  I won’t become as weary (or lazy) as in seasons past.  I have every intention of not getting tired of persevering, planting seeds, and trusting God.

This reminds me of a 10K “Turkey Trot” I ran the week before Thanksgiving this year.  When the race began, I was pumped.  I was enthusiastic and energized.  In fact, I was listening to such a powerful piece of spoken word by Gungor that I actually started tearing up.  I felt ready, grateful, and motivated.

Three miles later, I wasn’t as excited.  I was starting to grow weary, and my lack of training was starting to show.  By mile five, I really began to feel the pain.  My muscles were fatigued, and certain bones had started to ache.  I was physically tired – and tired of the monotony of running.  I wanted to put my feet up, not one in front of the other.

Determination and willpower alone would now decide if I’d reap the victory of finishing the race and when.  Sometimes we don’t have that influence over timing.  Unlike that race, I can’t fast-forward Winter, no matter how much I will eventually want it to speed up to Spring.  In life, this is where discernment comes in.

Sometimes we’re in a season through which we’ll just have to persevere, until God says it’s time for a new season.  In other times, we could make an 11-day journey in 11 days (unlike the 40 years it took the Israelites).  Sometimes, it’s us; sometimes we’re the hold up.  We decide to stop or slow down at mile three.

Then we either never arrive, or we take twice as long to get there.  The season passes without us fully discovering it.  In some cases, that season will come around again, like Winter does, but sometimes, it is a missed opportunity.  This is why I pray for the fortitude you and I need to follow through.

 

It's also why I pray for us to have eyes that see both the beauty and the purpose in each season.  Sometimes the purpose doesn’t look pretty, but even muddy snow is still snow with a purpose. 

 
To learn more about Rebecca, co-founder of TeamRedeemed.org with Shelley Hendrix, visit www.rebeccahalton.com.

 Photo by Sarah Verno of Breakthrough Photo + Design

 

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