Discerning Between My Side of the Fence and Yours - by Cheryl Laurenza

Photo by Amelia Grace Photography

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”

Galatians 6: 1-5 NIV 

This is such an important subject for Christians. It took some time to be able to see that there is a difference between what I need to be responsible for "my side of the fence" and what I can come alongside and help others with, their "side of the fence" burden." Here's the difference, just as I have my side of the fence as identified in Galatians as "load" others have their side, their responsibilities or " load" as well. I am not responsible for others load, basically what you need to do for yourself. If I make myself responsible, this enables you to not pick up your load, and casts me in a role as "Rescuer."

Many of those in ministry I have walked with while on staff at FBCW (First Baptist Church, Woodstock, GA), did not make a distinction here and ended up overwhelmed, stressed out, burnt out, and suffering from compassion fatigue. We are not called to do for others what they need to take care of themselves. Where we need to come alongside is what that same verse describes as a "burden." Because our language is not very specific, the difference escapes us.

A burden would be that overwhelming thing that you cannot manage, fix, change or alter on your own. A wayward kid (you need prayer, comfort and support), job loss, serious illness etc. I can do the former as well as minister to real physical or financial needs. Do you see the difference? It's not me helping you be irresponsible in your life by doing things for you that you alone ought to do, but helping and supporting you where you are under a "burden."  

I have 3 really close sisters in Christ who I cherish. We used to meet and pray and support each other through life's issues prior to my relocation. This was a good environment to really see what needed comfort and prayer, and what needed action and caring involvement. So if in any of your relationships you are feeling taken advantage of, burnt out etc., check yourself to see if you have stepped across the line into someone else's "yard" and get yourself out of there.  

You see people who are irresponsible and those that are codependent seem to fit together out of brokenness. We are all broken, yet freedom starts by recognizing it and working on "our side of the fence" to make sure our boundaries are clear and appropriate - and not feel guilty about it. We don't want high and impenetrable walls however, but praying for discernment between loads and burdens will keep us healthy and able to minister without having the life sucked out of us or feeling guilty for not taking care of everyone. 

Blessings 

Cheryl Laurenza, LPC, NCC

Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor

Interdependent Community by Cheryl Laurenza

Photo property of Church 4 Chicks

Interdependent Community 

By Cheryl Laurenza

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement), Who comforts (consoles and encourages) us in every trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort (console and encourage) those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement) with which we ourselves are comforted (consoled and encouraged) by God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) AMP 

I was recently in Europe, and the U.K. Aside from it being an incredible experience, there are a few thoughts that I pondered that I believe have some spiritual applications for us. 

We, in this nation, are fundamentally rugged individualists. This is a good thing in many ways and is one of the attributes that has helped to make our country great. However, it also has a dark side. We need each other. We were not designed to live as loners or in a self-sufficient manner, not independent but interdependent. It is about the collective good of the body, the community, not just what "works for me."  Whether it is in marriage, parenting, friendships, Church, etc., we are given the example of this interdependence over and over in scripture of the connection the early believers had. Whether it was meeting in homes daily to "break bread" or collecting property to sell so as to help meet needs as they became aware of them with each other. This was not about the ministry to those "outside" which they did also, but to their own members. How can I enter into someone's aloneness or be vulnerable enough to share my needs or hurts? 

How am I living in community? What do I bring to my community as far as myself?  Am I a taker only and if so, is it because I am afraid of my needs not being met so I take? What if I start to engage my community in giving and maybe even harder, receiving? I need to break free of this self-protective and individualistic worldview for one more reflective of what Jesus modeled.  Finding a safe, healthy community that demonstrates these qualities is a first step.  Praying for this leading in all our lives.

Cheryl Laurenza, MA, LPC, NCC

BCPCC, CPCS, ACS

The Refuge Counseling Center
500 Sun Valley Dr. Suite C-1
Roswell, GA 30076
P: 678 693 2281
F: 770 640 9287
www.refugecounselingcenter.org

Click on the video below to hear "The Power of Your Name" by Lincoln Brewster and Darlene Zschech

Worth and Significance by Melissa Haas @RestoreLifeUs

Photo by Melissa Hass

Worth and Significance

byMelissa Haas

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, in Our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.  Genesis 1:26-27, NIV 

I am a person of great worth and significance, for I am created in the image of God for His glory.   

Who were we modeled after?  The Hebrew word used here for “image” only appears in the creation account and a couple of other places in Genesis. It comes from a root word meaning “to shade,” and in this usage means a “resemblance.” When the Bible says we were created in the image and likeness of God, it means that God made us to resemble Himself.   

You resemble your Father. 

But sin wrecked all that, didn’t it?  Actually, sin just made us blind to who we were created to be—the image bearers of God. We could not see His image in us or our need for Him. Instead we sought after other images to give us meaning and purpose and definition.  

It reminds me of one of my kids’ favorite movies—The Lion King. In the movie, Scar, the evil brother of the lion king Mufasa, plots to kill him and Simba, the new heir to the throne, so that he can become the lion king. Scar tells Simba that his father wants to show him something in the valley. Meanwhile, Scar’s cronies, the evil hyenas, cause a herd of wildebeest to begin stampeding towards the valley where Simba is anxiously waiting for the promised surprised. 

Mufasa, watching from afar, sees the herd on the move. Scar runs up to tell him that Simba is in danger, and Mufasa races to save his son. He succeeds, but as he jumps to save himself from the hooves of the wildebeests, Scar pushes him off the cliff, and Mufasa dies. 

Simba, seeing his father fall, rushes to his side, trying to rouse him. The evil Scar comes to Simba then and implies that it is all his fault. “The truth is, Simba,” Scar says to the cub, “Mufasa’s dead because of you.” Simba believes him and faced with the guilt of causing his father’s death, and at the suggestion of Scar, he runs away.   

Simba nearly dies in the desert, but a couple of unlikely friends, Timon and Pumbaa find him and save his life. Timon is a meercat, and Pumbaa is a warthog. They teach Simba a new life philosophy—a “no worries, no problems” lifestyle that forgets the past and lives with no concern for anyone but yourself. Simba is a lion, but he forgets who he is. He eats bugs and grubs just like Timon and Pumbaa and lives a carefree life--until his past, in the form of a childhood friend named Nala, bumps into him one day.  

Disturbed and guilt-ridden again, Simba goes out into a field and screams at the sky, “You said you would always be with me, but you aren’t! Your dead, and it’s all my fault!”  

In the distance Simba sees a baboon coming toward him. The baboon, named Rafiki, tells Simba that his father isn’t dead, that he will show Simba where he is. Simba follows Rafiki through the jungle and ends up at a pool of water. He sees his reflection and angrily turns to Rafiki, saying, “That’s not my father; it’s only my reflection.”  

Rafiki replies, “Look harder . . . You see, he lives in you.”   

Something stirs the water. The image of Mufasa appears. Mufasa tells Simba that he has forgotten him. Simba denies it. Mufasa says, “You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten me.  Look inside yourself. You are more than what you’ve become.” As Mufasa’s image disappears in the sky, he says, “Remember you are my son—the child of the one true king. Remember….”   

The story ends with Simba returning to the Pride Lands to fight Scar and to assume his rightful place as the Lion King.  

No matter how long you deny it, no matter how you behave in an effort to forget a painful past, you will always bear the image of your Father. A self-centered and foolish lifestyle built on deception (Satan’s lies) may prevent you from living out your true identity, and the Father sees all of this.  But God never washes His hands of you and says, “That’s it. I’m writing her off. I can’t stand to look at her anymore.” Instead He brings you to a place where you must face who you have become so that you will remember who He created you to be.  

The whole reason Jesus came in the likeness of man was so that we could again see the image of God through Him. Jesus came as a man so that we could, by receiving Him, be transformed into His likeness—created anew for His glory (2 Corinthians 3:18).   

You resemble your Father, and you have great worth and significance because you were created by Him.    Dare to believe this truth with all of your heart.  Live as the daughter of the one true King

Melissa Haas currently serves as the Director of Restoration Groups for HopeQuest, a ministry group in Woodstock, Georgia, which helps people struggling with life-dominating issues.  Melissa began her service in ministry in 1993 as an international missionary to Kenya, East Africa, where she and her husband Troy worked as church planters among the Turkana people.  When a significant marital crisis ended their missionary service, Melissa and Troy began a journey of healing and restoration that now serves as the foundation of their ministry to others.  Passionate about spiritual community, healthy marriages, and intimacy with God, Melissa regularly facilitates small groups and teaches and speaks on these topics in order to help the Body of Christ grow relationally with God and each other.  Melissa and Troy and their three children reside in Woodstock, Georgia.

Cliques and Community

Photo by Amelia Grace Photography

 Cliques and Community 

ByTracee Persiko 

Right now, I’m sitting in a Starbucks watching a group of high school girls hang out. I listen as they talk about their day, and thought, “you know…nothing has really changed about the conversations and topics of high school.” 

We are a culture that operates out of created groups. We learn how to “belong” through gravitating towards like-minded people. Every high school has the same social groups now as they did 15 years ago when I was there. 

We called our like-minded group of friends our community, but in reality they were cliques. Cliques do not allow room for community.

I watch these girls and laugh because my friends now are so different. My closest friends are made up of a mismatch group of gifts, personalities, fears, looks, and passions. One of my closest friends and I joke all the time that we would not have been friends in high school. Our groups and judgments would not have let that happen.

Community ceases to be community when it becomes a clique.

There is no room for community in a clique. Cliques are closed to anyone new joining in. Cliques enforce a hierarchy of judgment someone needs to pass in order to be allowed in.

It makes me sad when I see adult cliques in the church. Clique mentality has no room in the community of the church body. We are all made in His image. We are all invited to walk a life journey with the same God. 

Look at the disciples.

Some would say that the 12 disciples were a clique. No one else was allowed to be a disciple. But look at the mixed match up of those guys!

The community of disciples consisted of different personalities, passions, interests, looks, temperaments, gifts, strong wills, extroverts, introverts, popular, and the loathed. There was no reason these guys should’ve been doing life together – they didn’t go together. They didn’t make sense.

But isn’t this true community?

Community is made up of all of those who are trying to do life well, and follow after the invitation to do life with Him.

Community takes a chance on people. Community sees and wants the heart. Community is inviting.

What are your thoughts on community?

What makes community for you?

A Visit from Grace and Truth: Agreeing With God When I Sin



Photo by Debra Courtney

A Visit from Grace and Truth:  Agreeing with God When I Sin

By

Melissa Haas 

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.  Proverbs 3:3

I often joke that brownies are my love language.  When I was a kid, my mom would always have something hot from the oven waiting for us when we got home from school.  To this day, the smell of brownies baking takes my heart back home, reminding me of safety and rest, comfort and love.  

Growing up in south Louisiana in a predominately Catholic culture, I found myself increasingly isolated from my peers.  We were evangelical Protestants, and my beliefs set me apart from those around me.  School was challenging.  I did not fit in, so coming home was a welcome relief.  And somehow, along the way, my need for nurture and acceptance and comfort got connected with the food that was waiting for me when I got off the bus.  Not surprisingly, one of my biggest adolescent struggles was being overweight.   

Time went on.  I got married, became a missionary, and had children.  Whenever life got stressful or painful—anytime I felt sad, lonely, or rejected—I baked.   Then, when our missionary career ended prematurely and all of my dreams were shattered, I found myself in a counselor’s office trying to sift and sort through my pain.  She became my Nathan, pointing out the shame I was carrying about my weight and the self-sabotaging behavior of emotional eating that I felt powerless to overcome.   

The truth was that I had been involved in an idolatrous relationship with food—in particular, sweet foods like brownies.  When I needed comfort, I nurtured myself instead of seeking that comfort from God and others within the Body of Christ.  I was isolated, self-reliant, and stuck.  For the first time, I was able to acknowledge the truth of my sin, but that created another problem.  

How did I accept the truth of this sin without condemning myself?  I knew from experience that self-condemnation would only trigger a self-defeating cycle of eating for comfort only to feel more shame.  On the other hand, how did I give myself grace without minimizing or justifying my sinful choices, enabling them to continue?   How did I love myself but hate my sin?  

One of my counselor’s favorite verses was Proverbs 3:3.  She pointed out that when Father confronts our sin, Grace and Truth always make the visit together.  While Truth is unyielding in His truthfulness, Love empties Himself, pouring out streams of grace filled with mercy and forgiveness.   Together Grace and Truth create a safe environment for my soul to acknowledge the truth about my failures while continuing to feel loved and accepted in spite of them.  Now that I am no longer fearful of losing love, I can focus my attention on growth and change. 

Over the years Grace and Truth have been good friends, and the longer I have lived with them, the easier it has become to accept my humanity as a gift that keeps me connected to the One I was created for, the One who calls me daughter and friend.  We all occasionally eat brownies together because God likes chocolate too.  More importantly, though, we enjoy our relationship.  The comfort and acceptance I need are bountifully supplied through my relationship with Him and His people, satisfying my deepest longings.  (And the icing on the cake is that this satisfaction is calorie-free.  Smile.) 

How about you?  How are you relating to yourself and to God when you sin?  Make a commitment to develop your friendship with Grace and Truth.  Find what you need in Him.