"The Danse" – Part 1 ~ A guest post by Nya Jacobs

3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:  "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. 4 I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel.  Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful." - Jeremiah 31

You've come here time and time again.  But you always leave before you make eye contact, before you have to choose to commit.  But for some reason you always come back.  You see people mingling with each other, some there alone, like you.  You wonder if others are nervous to be there, or if you’re the only one who is unsure.

Ugh, I’m here again.  I want to stay but I don’t think I can.   Look at everyone else – they are so much more in tune and able and…ugh, I can’t.  There is no way I’m coming back here again.

You say that to yourself every time, and something keeps bringing you back.  It used to be curiosity.  You’ve tried this before, but you were younger, stupider, a know-it-all.  You’ve got some of the dirt of life under your fingernails, and you’ve learned how to survive...Well, sort of.  Now you find yourself coming when you have questions or when you are sad or tired. Most recently, you’ve come because there is a void.  You’ve tried all kinds of things, and it’s like pouring cloudy water in a cracked Nalgene bottle – it’s always empty before you expected, and it’s contents were sub-par at best.

It’ll do.

Well, it has so far.  But now…

Now.  Now you know the list of things on your bucket list did absolutely nothing for your soul.

Make $100,000+ a year.  Travel for a whole summer.  Do something illegal.  Skip a day of work for no reason.  Drink the most expensive glass of wine on the menu.  Spend a week at the monastery.  Become a master gardener.  Learn yoga.  Call my mom twice a week for six months.  Spend Christmas at the orphanage.

And you are back here, at the same place before you accomplished, tried, check marked your goals. And you feel just as broken and empty.  Then you see Him...The One you’ve seen here many times.  Sometimes He was very present to you; sometimes you really had to look for Him; but He was always there in some capacity.  You’ve never been this close to Him because you usually would have left by now.  You realize that you are experiencing this place very differently.  It feels sacred.  You feel overwhelmed. He seems to fill the whole space with His…what is that?  His…something. His aura?  His soul?  His spirit?  What is it that you can feel, pulsing through the air.  It’s surrounding your body like a cloud.  You can’t put your finger on it, but He and His whatever-that-is has your full attention.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, has captured you in this way before.  You are inquisitive about, ever thirsty for, a few moments near Him, but you are at a safe enough distance to observe and not be too involved yet.  You close your eyes to take in a deep breath to just ground yourself a bit.  You open them, and He’s looking right at you…

Hola!  I'm Nya, and I'm honored at the privilege to write :) When I'm not planning my September wedding (and preparing for my marriage!), I work with those recovering from addiction, cook and bake, take road trips with my fiancé, and plan my next creative venture.  I have a very soft heart for the country of France and the salvation of their youth.  I grew up in church but came to Christ in my late teens.  Grace has been a stumbling block for my legalism and perfectionism, but from God's word, I've developed this mantra:

And I praise You because of the wonderful way You created me.  Everything You do is marvelous!  Of this I have no doubt.  God planned for us to do good things and to live as He has always wanted us to live.  That's why He sent Christ to make us what we are.  For sin shall not have dominion over you: you are not under the law, but under grace. Ps 139:14, Eph 2:10, Rom 6:14

Feel free to connect with me on Twitter @createdwell.