All of it? All of it. Like, really all of it.
Well. Yikes. That pretty much is a #dailyfail. If love has the elements of respect and honor, patience and kindness, isn't self seeking or self-insisting, then yep...definitely pretty much on a daily basis I'm weighed in the balance and found wanting.
I have - after taking what I had and squandering it on people that I thought would like me and maybe even love me, on situations that I thought would fulfill me, on accomplishments I thought would complete me (side note: many of these things are "good" things like serving others, doing well vocationally, generally being awesome...) - found myself lifting my face out of the slop and wondering what in the WORLD was I doing?! I'd tried so hard to do good and to be great but my mouth ended up full of swill that was neither nutritious nor delicious. Once again, I've come to myself.
And I rehearse in my mind the verses that demand my all. I rehearse the verses that call me to repent, and wonder will I ever get this commandment, THE commandment, right. I rehearse the familiar wondering of do I really belong to Christ when I break one of the two commands He's given? and just can't seem to do that (or the other one for that matter) right.
Then THIS happens...
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. Luke 15:20-23 ESV
I arise and I come to my Father. I confess where I have fallen short. And He rejoices in my coming and in my confessing and in my growing. The following verse goes on the talk about the son being lost and then found. There is the ultimate experience of us being lost and then found when we first come to faith in Christ. There are, I believe, subsequent "findings" that happen to us as parts of our hearts and minds and souls reveal their lostness to us. Something happens that bumps into the dark place untouched by the love of the Father. When we come to our senses and realize the "soul slop" we've been consuming, we bring that to the Father, and He loves us so that we in turn love Him more than we did before.
When you find yourself 'not loving the Lord enough', rise, come to the Father, and let Him love you.