4 Lies Women Tell Themselves

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Four Lies Women Tell Themselves

ByLucille Zimmerman

Lie #1: It’s selfish to put yourself on the list.  Self-care is not selfish. Self-care is about taking control of your own health and happiness. By being in control you stay healthy and put yourself in charge of making sure you have a good quality of life. Taking good care of yourself means the people in your life receive the best of you rather than what is left of you. When Jesus told people to love their neighbor as themselves, he was presupposing that people would love themselves. If we don’t love ourselves, we are violating that commandment just the same as when we don’t love others. Alternately, if we only care for ourselves without caring for others, that would be selfish. But loving ourselves is good and godly.

Lie #2: It’s unchristian to set boundaries.  I used to think people who had clear boundaries were mean and nasty, and people who accommodated everybody else's whim were Godly. People with healthy boundaries have developed an identity separate and distinct from others. Their lives have a nice balance; they are connected with people, not enmeshed with them. Imagine a picket fence with a gate: You get to decide who you want to come into your life and how far they come in. For instance, you may want to crack open the gate by limiting someone to a ten-minute phone call instead of inviting her over to your house. There may be a family member you want to honor, but his or her behaviors may be so toxic you must limit the relationship to a birthday card. Boundaries are flexible, so they can change. The most important thing to understand is that you are the gatekeeper controlling your life and space.

Lie #3: You can’t show people your flaws; you must be perfect. When I studied group counseling, I learned a really interesting concept: If there is a group of people, and one person decides to take a risk in sharing a vulnerable piece of her story, she instantly becomes the most popular member of the group. Why? It’s a concept called “universality”: Every person in a group has traits or experiences or flaws or past mistakes that he or she wants to hide. When we see another take a bold risk and be accepted, we wish we had the guts to be that authentic. Of course, this concept could be taken to an extreme. It would not be prudent for a member to go into a group and reveal everything too quickly without getting to know the others. But a gentle unveiling of a vulnerable truth by one brave soul can offer the ripple effect of relief and acceptance to others.

Lie #4: You must stick every person’s opinion of you on yourself. In situations where someone reacts negatively towards me, I’ve learned to ask the question, “What is the person telling you about himself?” All of our actions and words are a reflection of our past experiences. They are evidence of the lens through which we see the world. When people blow up or overreact, it usually isn’t about what we did wrong or about how bad that person is hurting or about what dots they are connecting from their own histories. The more we back off and see a bigger picture, the more we stop allowing others to direct our lives.

Lucille Zimmerman’s book, Renewed: Finding Your Inner Happy in an Overwhelmed World releases TODAY< March 1^st.
Connect with Lucille on her website 
at
www.lucillezimmerman.com 

The Truth about the Lies #Shine

Raise your hand if you have ever used the phrases, “When I get my life together, I will ___,” or “When I get all my ducks in a row, I will ____.”

Somewhere along the way we have bought into the pattern of thinking that we have to have life all together before we believe we have anything to offer.

I think we have missed the point of offering altogether.

I have discovered that there are three lies we believe in when it comes to helping others.

Lie #1 – You have to be perfect.

All throughout the bible, God chose the lame, weak, lowest, foolish, uneducated, outcasts, and the rejected to make himself known. The people God chose to use were far from perfect. They were also in the midst of their imperfections when he used them.

I love that Jesus used a Samaritan woman, rejected by her friends and family, to bring a whole town to himself. Jesus did not tell her to wait until she was changed to use her. As soon as their conversation ended, she went out and told the whole town about Jesus.

Lie #2 – Ministry flows from our strengths.

The people who have influenced my life the most are those who have experienced brokenness. What has been most impactful for me are those who offer out of their brokenness. Authentic pain and wounds are powerful to any heart when they are shared.

God says that “his power is made perfect in our weaknesses” not our strengths. Our weaknesses are powerful agents in revealing his light to those who are hurting. Weakness heals.

Lie #3 – You can only help to the extent you’ve been helped.

Henri Nouwen is famous for coining the term “wounded healer.” A wounded healer is one who offers out of their current struggles. A wounded healer is someone who offers in spite of their struggles. The deception of pain is that we can only offer those parts of our path that we have already walked through.

The truth is that everyone is on a journey. Authenticity is inviting. Being real, and even a mess, in the midst of your pain provides freedom for someone else to do the same. Honestly, the thoughts you have today regarding your pain are going to shine light on the path for someone else.

Some of my favorite conversations have started with, “this is where I am.” I can’t tell you how many times my heart has been changed by the authentic risk of someone else.

Authenticity has brought new meaning to the words, “by his wounds we are healed.” There is such power in sharing our wounds. Wounds heal.

We are always influencing, especially through our times of brokenness. The mess of your heart just might be the perfect light that someone else needs for theirs.

Are you willing to be a Wounded Healer?

Tracee Persiko is a speaker and writer with a master’s in Professional Counseling. She cares deeply about the heart and story of other people. When it comes to areas of passion, Tracee enjoys speaking on topics including: leadership development, cultivating character, second mile living, identity in Christ, and carrying the weight of your influence well. Her heart is all about empowering others to believe different and live different.