"The Quiet Place" by Emily Laney

Photo by Creative Commons

We are entering a very exciting and very busy season in our society - the “Holiday Season”.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, etc. are many occasions to celebrate, eat, and go, go, go, but for many of us, this time of year, while joyous and fun, also brings a whole lot of this little, but yet big, word:  Stress.

Sometimes I feel that I attract stress like a magnet. Today was just crazy, and now it’s just before midnight while I write this post.  I’m headed out of town tomorrow for work but haven’t packed yet.  I feel so thankful in where God has me right now, but while my cup runs over with blessings, my plate is also completely full.  With the holidays coming up, all I can think about are the deadlines looming and how my husband and I will juggle the social gatherings we have to attend.

There are many things in play here that result in stress, but I don’t want to get into a lengthy discussion about boundaries, saying no, and over commitment. Those are certainly aspects of my life that I need to work on.  I imagine I’m not the only one.  I could also talk about society, how we’ve created a culture that is completely nonstop.  It’s a culture that applauds the woman who can ‘do it all’ while still looking perfect 24/7.  I feel like we have conversations about society and boundaries a good bit.  We know the deep cultural ideals that lead to stress being our norm, and we know that healthy boundaries can decrease our stress.

What we don’t talk about very often is this term in my profession (social work) that we call “self care”.  Self care is essentially what it sounds like, taking care of yourself.  It’s taking time to relax, unwind, and refuel.  It’s something that we all should do, but very few of us consciously take the time to practice.  It’s practical, simple, and even Biblical.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. – Mark 1:35

He that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. – Psalm 91:1

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing, so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. – Gen 2:2

God rested, Jesus went away to a quiet place, and if we dwell in the secret place, we will be under the shadow of God.  These are just a few verses that come to mind when I think about “self care”.  Many of us bustle around like Martha when we should be resting at the feet of Jesus like Mary (see Luke 10:38-42).  We think that we are supposed to be busy, busy, busy, which usually means we are also stressed, stressed, stressed. When I am constantly on the go, I can miss out on ministry opportunities and just miss out on the simple beauties of our world.  I know God didn’t intend for us to live in that way.

My sweet sisters, take some time each day to go to your "quiet place".  Even if it’s only for 15 minutes and you have to sneak away, find things that help you relax and do them.  Take time to read your Bible and pray, but don’t put pressure on yourself to do your devotional a certain way.  Just sit in the presence of God.  Take deep breaths and visualize your stress going away. Go on a walk outside and breathe fresh air.  Do a favorite hobby just for the fun of it.  For a few minutes each day, take care of you.  God cherishes you greatly and loves you so much.  He doesn’t want you to stress yourself out to burnout.  You were worth Him sending His son, and He wants you to be healthy and resting in his presence.

Photo caption:  Stress balls may work for a short period of time, but self care and resting in God’s presence are better bets. 

 

Emily Laney is a social worker, educator and justice seeker.  She has worked with vulnerable populations in the United States and abroad and loves to help startup nonprofits reach their goals.  She is a Passion City Church door holder and leads a team of abolitionists at Not for Sale Georgia.  She loves her husband Brent and their rescue pup Biscuit.  Sunsets and Sushi make her happy. 

You can connect with Emily on twitter @emilylaney or on her blog www.emilylaney.com

Enjoy this video of "Rest" by Kari Jobe

Kari Jobe - Here (Official Acoustic Video) from kari-jobe on GodTube.

A Few Things of What I Know

Photo by Amelia Grace Photography

A Few Things of What I Know

By

Debra Courtney 

I am to see my problems & troubles as a part of GODS’ education for me.

The seed that leaves my HAND never leaves my LIFE. It goes out into my FUTURE and produces my HARVEST.

ALWAYS have an ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE. (Send thank you notes to everyone who helps us.

IGNORE OFFENCES!!!

Enemies create my REWARDS. GOD only PROMOTES OVERCOMERS.

SILENCE cannot be MISQUOTED.

The PROBLEM I decide to solve for others is called MY PASSION.

My mentor is interested only in my PROSPERITY. In who or whom do I trust?

What SELF-PORTRAIT do I decide to BELIEVE?

What weakness do I decide to CONQUER?  CONFESSION stops PERSECUTION.

The time I invest in the presence of GOD determines my PROSPERITY.

(In family, business, education, finances, friends, health, wisdom, understanding, favor, blessings, obedience, grace, mercy, joy, humility).

What FAVOR do I decide to PURSUE and PROTECT.

I am FOUR (4) people away from a FINANCIAL BLESSING. I cannot do anything by myself.

Whose AUTHORITY do I decide to HONOR?

SEED is NOT a MONEY word.  IT IS a SEED WORD.

(It is a supply word. I sow seeds of love, money, inspiration, time, study, learning, listening, caring, etc...). By doing all these and more I reap all these and more.)

SOW for a desired result.  SEED is what I SOW.  EXPECTATION is WHY I SOW.

EVERY ACT of OBEDIENCE I do, SHORTENS the DISTANCE GOD is BRING TO ME.

DISOBEDIENCE brings JUDGEMENT & CURSES.

GOD will never ask me for something I don’t have, but he will always ask me for something I want to KEEP.

My FAITH creates any FUTURE I WANT. My Miracle is in my MOUTH.

The PROBLEM that IRRITATES me the MOST is the thing GOD will give me to SOLVE. 

How long I stay in the PROBLEM, determines how I LOOK the problem. 

All MOUNTAINS look like a HILL from Heavens point of view. 

JESUS became the SON OF MAN, in order for me to become a DAUGHTER OF GOD. 

THE BLOOD OF JESUS has WIPED OUT my sin in HIS MIND & MY MIND. 

My SIN is JESUS' businesses NOT MINE.  (Jesus does not remind me of my sin, the devil does that). I do not stand accused any longer.  My plea: NOT GUILTY! I am redeemed. I am justified, just as if I had never sinned! 

The PRAYER will be answered once I SAY IT, VISUALIZE IT, TAKE IT, HAVE IT, & BELIEVE IT! 

One carnal judgment of another person only serves the purpose of hell in us. 

Don’t look for a natural answer to prayer. God works in the supernatural. If it is not an impossible thing, it is not a real disturbance. 

If we are motivated by our love for God, no amount of ingratitude will be able to hinder us from serving others.

A Visit from Grace and Truth: Agreeing With God When I Sin



Photo by Debra Courtney

A Visit from Grace and Truth:  Agreeing with God When I Sin

By

Melissa Haas 

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.  Proverbs 3:3

I often joke that brownies are my love language.  When I was a kid, my mom would always have something hot from the oven waiting for us when we got home from school.  To this day, the smell of brownies baking takes my heart back home, reminding me of safety and rest, comfort and love.  

Growing up in south Louisiana in a predominately Catholic culture, I found myself increasingly isolated from my peers.  We were evangelical Protestants, and my beliefs set me apart from those around me.  School was challenging.  I did not fit in, so coming home was a welcome relief.  And somehow, along the way, my need for nurture and acceptance and comfort got connected with the food that was waiting for me when I got off the bus.  Not surprisingly, one of my biggest adolescent struggles was being overweight.   

Time went on.  I got married, became a missionary, and had children.  Whenever life got stressful or painful—anytime I felt sad, lonely, or rejected—I baked.   Then, when our missionary career ended prematurely and all of my dreams were shattered, I found myself in a counselor’s office trying to sift and sort through my pain.  She became my Nathan, pointing out the shame I was carrying about my weight and the self-sabotaging behavior of emotional eating that I felt powerless to overcome.   

The truth was that I had been involved in an idolatrous relationship with food—in particular, sweet foods like brownies.  When I needed comfort, I nurtured myself instead of seeking that comfort from God and others within the Body of Christ.  I was isolated, self-reliant, and stuck.  For the first time, I was able to acknowledge the truth of my sin, but that created another problem.  

How did I accept the truth of this sin without condemning myself?  I knew from experience that self-condemnation would only trigger a self-defeating cycle of eating for comfort only to feel more shame.  On the other hand, how did I give myself grace without minimizing or justifying my sinful choices, enabling them to continue?   How did I love myself but hate my sin?  

One of my counselor’s favorite verses was Proverbs 3:3.  She pointed out that when Father confronts our sin, Grace and Truth always make the visit together.  While Truth is unyielding in His truthfulness, Love empties Himself, pouring out streams of grace filled with mercy and forgiveness.   Together Grace and Truth create a safe environment for my soul to acknowledge the truth about my failures while continuing to feel loved and accepted in spite of them.  Now that I am no longer fearful of losing love, I can focus my attention on growth and change. 

Over the years Grace and Truth have been good friends, and the longer I have lived with them, the easier it has become to accept my humanity as a gift that keeps me connected to the One I was created for, the One who calls me daughter and friend.  We all occasionally eat brownies together because God likes chocolate too.  More importantly, though, we enjoy our relationship.  The comfort and acceptance I need are bountifully supplied through my relationship with Him and His people, satisfying my deepest longings.  (And the icing on the cake is that this satisfaction is calorie-free.  Smile.) 

How about you?  How are you relating to yourself and to God when you sin?  Make a commitment to develop your friendship with Grace and Truth.  Find what you need in Him. 

4 Lies Women Tell Themselves

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Four Lies Women Tell Themselves

ByLucille Zimmerman

Lie #1: It’s selfish to put yourself on the list.  Self-care is not selfish. Self-care is about taking control of your own health and happiness. By being in control you stay healthy and put yourself in charge of making sure you have a good quality of life. Taking good care of yourself means the people in your life receive the best of you rather than what is left of you. When Jesus told people to love their neighbor as themselves, he was presupposing that people would love themselves. If we don’t love ourselves, we are violating that commandment just the same as when we don’t love others. Alternately, if we only care for ourselves without caring for others, that would be selfish. But loving ourselves is good and godly.

Lie #2: It’s unchristian to set boundaries.  I used to think people who had clear boundaries were mean and nasty, and people who accommodated everybody else's whim were Godly. People with healthy boundaries have developed an identity separate and distinct from others. Their lives have a nice balance; they are connected with people, not enmeshed with them. Imagine a picket fence with a gate: You get to decide who you want to come into your life and how far they come in. For instance, you may want to crack open the gate by limiting someone to a ten-minute phone call instead of inviting her over to your house. There may be a family member you want to honor, but his or her behaviors may be so toxic you must limit the relationship to a birthday card. Boundaries are flexible, so they can change. The most important thing to understand is that you are the gatekeeper controlling your life and space.

Lie #3: You can’t show people your flaws; you must be perfect. When I studied group counseling, I learned a really interesting concept: If there is a group of people, and one person decides to take a risk in sharing a vulnerable piece of her story, she instantly becomes the most popular member of the group. Why? It’s a concept called “universality”: Every person in a group has traits or experiences or flaws or past mistakes that he or she wants to hide. When we see another take a bold risk and be accepted, we wish we had the guts to be that authentic. Of course, this concept could be taken to an extreme. It would not be prudent for a member to go into a group and reveal everything too quickly without getting to know the others. But a gentle unveiling of a vulnerable truth by one brave soul can offer the ripple effect of relief and acceptance to others.

Lie #4: You must stick every person’s opinion of you on yourself. In situations where someone reacts negatively towards me, I’ve learned to ask the question, “What is the person telling you about himself?” All of our actions and words are a reflection of our past experiences. They are evidence of the lens through which we see the world. When people blow up or overreact, it usually isn’t about what we did wrong or about how bad that person is hurting or about what dots they are connecting from their own histories. The more we back off and see a bigger picture, the more we stop allowing others to direct our lives.

Lucille Zimmerman’s book, Renewed: Finding Your Inner Happy in an Overwhelmed World releases TODAY< March 1^st.
Connect with Lucille on her website 
at
www.lucillezimmerman.com 

Reflections on 2012

Photo by Ameila Grace Photography



                                                                           

 

Refelctions on 2012

by Cheryl Laurenza

                                                                                                                                              

Well this has been quite a year, how about you? I sensed God leading and moving me to leave my position as staff counselor at FBCW after 8 years. This would require me to leave the security of a paycheck regardless of how many clients I saw, and more important to me was the fellowship and support of the best team in the country. Could it be that God would really call me out of my comfort zone into the unknown of private practice? What about letting others down and feeling responsible for the ministry. At every turn I kept sensing "this is the way, walk in it." So in late October I gave a 30 day notice to the best boss and friend in the world and am now officially my own employer.

 

It has been my experience that God does move us out of the comfort zone and into the unknown, loosens our grip so our hands could be emptied that they could then be filled with what he has for us. So often we are clinging so tightly to the past or the good, that we never get to see the best. My prayer is that we would all be open to walking I to the ad entire that life can be when we trust, though afraid, and walk. Dear sisters, what is He saying to your heart that you are scared to acknowledge? He will make it clear, you are on the threshold of 2013 and an incredible journey of faith. Be encouraged, be strong and courageous.

True Beauty that Shines #Shine

“People are like stained glass windows – the true beauty can be seen only when there is light within.”

~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

All women should do self-care. Why? Because others are drawn to a woman who shines! People take notice when someone is rested, pleasant, has good boundaries, stops people-pleasing, and learns to say no so that she can say yes to what God really wants. People want to be with a woman who feels good because she put herself on the list. She takes time to eat right, exercise, and finds pleasure in small things. When Jesus told people to love others as they love themselves, he was assuming people would love themselves. As a counselor, I meet so many women who don’t love themselves by taking time for self-care. Hey Church 4 Chicks, would you stop what you’re doing and write down one thing you’re going to do for yourself today.

 It is nice to know that self-care doesn’t have to be radical or expensive. History and research has shown that when the economy goes into a recession or a depression, the sale of lipstick increases. The Lipstick Effect is a term coined after the Great Depression, when sales of cosmetics rose in the four years from 1929 to 1933. People continue to spend money on small luxuries during times of economic or emotional stress to buoy their spirits. The same thing happened after the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Lipstick sales doubled.

Not everyone enjoys the lift that lipstick brings, but there are small items you can buy that will give you a truckload of happiness. Maybe it's a pretty journal or a beautiful pen. Maybe it's a pink frilly blouse that makes you feel ultra-feminine, or perhaps it's a pumpkin-caramel latte that goes down warm and comforting. Even if the item is small, the fact that you took time to buy and enjoy it, affirms your worth to yourself. Perhaps you stop to sip some tea and read your favorite book for 15 minutes. Or take a quiet walk. Doing something simple for yourself has the capacity to change your life in a big way. Thomas Merton said, “Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony.”


What about you? Do you struggle to take care of yourself? If so, what causes this struggle for you?


If you have found ways to maintain your own balance and well-being, do tell! Share your secrets for making self-care a priority.

Lucille is working on a book about self-care for Abingdon Press. She and her husband are celebrating 25 years of marriage and are experiencing the "empty nest." She has a private counseling practice in Littleton, Colorado and teaches psychology courses at Colorado Christian University. She writes on her own blog http://blog.rumorsofglory.com/ and for the http://wordservewatercooler.com/

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