Revealing Wounds by @ShelleyHendrix (A New Post)

 

"He refreshes and restores my life (my self)"

Psalm 23:3a Amplified

"When you are in the midst of your God-ordained destiny, it WILL expose unhealed wounds in others. Be kind. Offer grace. But keep going." 

~Shelley Hendrix

I posted those opening words above on Twitter and Facebook yesterday after thinking about how this reality has played itself out in my own life. Whether we want them to or not, our lives impact other people's lives--and emotions. One of the starkest examples for me happened in 2007.  I was in the very early years of following God's call on my own life and I had just taken a big risk: I had written a book. I think the statistic out there says that 90% of writers who set out to write a book never finish one, so I felt mixed emotions. On the one hand, I felt pride in my accomplishment, and on the other, absolute terror at the idea that I had actually put enough of myself on paper for others to read, judge, and even mock. 

Through a friend, I was able to get this new book into the hands of an editor for a large, well-known publishing house. Getting the book to him took little effort and I appreciated that. I truly never expected to hear anything from him--and if you knew who I was talking about, you'd understand why. This editor works with the best of the best in this industry; so when he called me on the phone a few weeks later, I was stunned!

I will never forget that phone call nor will I forget his affirmations about the book and my writing style. I will also never be able to forget when he said, "Unfortunately, though, we can't touch it. "So and So's" next book is on Esther." 

The lump building in my throat nearly choked me to death, but I knew I had to hold myself together to get through the call. He was so kind, encouraged me to keep writing, and then we hung up. And then, the dam broke. It was such a big break that it took me nearly four days to clean up the mess it left in its wake. 

I cried out to God, "Why?...Why would You lead me to write a book and work so hard on it only to give this same topic to someone who could write a book about teaching your children to burp the alphabet and it would sell? Did she need this as much as I do? Did I misunderstand You when I sensed you telling me to write this book?" I felt like the butt of a joke. 

I cried on the shoulders of my husband and my children. It seriously broke my heart. 

I wish I could tell you I got over all of that within those four days, but I would be lying. 

What I know now, 6 years later, is that God allowed one of His girls (the other author) to walk in His calling on her life and as she did, allowed me to bump into her just enough to pull back some bandages I had placed over some unhealed wounds in my own soul; wounds with a voice, and played on repeat, mine said, "Who do you think you are?"

"Who do you think you are to write a book?"

"Who do you think you are to think anyone wants to hear what you have to say?"

"Who do you think YOU are; of course people want her books...why do you even bother?"

These questions hurt so much because the accusations behind them seemed so solid. Who was I? Who did I think I was?  

These accusing questions pointed to my insecurities and fears and God loved me enough to bring about just the right circumstances to expose places within my heart that I preferred leaving covered up. These were wounds that God had begun to heal in me in the past, but when it got to a certain point, I guess I put a cute band-aid over some and felt like that was healed enough. Sure, I felt better; but I wasn't whole. Not yet. And because the wound had continued to fester underneath my false covering of a cute band-aid, its voice was louder now than it had ever been. 

I'm thankful to say I learned a lot as I allowed the Voice of Truth to speak into my life. In fact, a few years ago, when I began speaking with my publishers at Harvest House, they too, turned down my Esther book because one of their authors was currently writing one (which came out the same day as "Why Can't We Just Get Along?"). I was so encouraged by my own emotional response to this news. I felt a little discouraged, but more than that, I smiled because I was okay. I could trust that God wasn't taking something away from me in order to give it to someone else He liked better. 

I can also tell you that as I've taken step after step in my own calling, I have become aware of how my own moments of success have revealed wounds in other people. This reality can create the temptation to pull back from a God-ordained destiny if we don't understand this dynamic. It might cause us to feel false-guilt for hurting other people when in truth, we aren't wounding anyone--all we are doing is living our life. God may be using this, though, to reveal unhealed wounds in His other kids. It doesn't necessarily mean that we caused them. 

I close with something my friend, Lori Kennedy, fellow Team C4C Writer had to say about this reality:


"I have encountered this in the past. And, at one point, began to question whether or not I was fulfilling my God-given destiny as I was thinking that my walk and talk shouldn't hurt others. Then I remembered that healing does hurt--but only for a short while. Afterwards, the taste of freedom is incredible! Holding all of that poison inside of you is much worse! We must grieve our wounds because grief says that the wound mattered. Yes, YOUR wounds matter- don't ignore them- don't stuff them- allow God to raise them up in you because maybe He's saying it's time to grieve them and throw off those chains that bind you so that you can walk in FREEDOM!"

• How have you seen your own wounds revealed through someone else's journey?

• How have you seen someone else's wounds revealed as you've walked in your own destiny?

• Is something holding you back from pursuing God's clear call upon your life? Could it be that He is inviting you to allow Him to tend to some covered over wounds?

*****

What about you?