“Trust
in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your
own understanding.” Proverbs 3: 5
I’m not a tattoo kind of girl, but if I
were, this is the phrase I need written across the palm of my hand. Maybe that
way I’d see it all the time and remember that no amount of thinking can change
anything, because it’s my over-thinking that tends to get between me and God.
Seriously, I could save myself a lot of worry, stress, and heartache if I just
stopped thinking about bad things that have already happened and instead just
trust God to lead me forward.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
If it does, it’s probably because women are
especially prone to over-thinking, or,
as it’s been properly termed in psychology, “rumination.” When I first learned of that term while doing research
for my memoir, I thought of a cow chewing cud, and sure enough, it’s the same
word and same concept – rechewing something over and over, even after you think
you’re done with it. That may be the correct way for a cow to digest, but for
women, it’s a terrible way to digest – or process – an experience. Instead of
moving forward, rumination keeps us trapped in focusing on why a bad thing
happened, instead of looking for solutions to avoid it next time around.
It’s a hard habit for women to kick,
because women also tend to judge
themselves more harshly than others. I know I was raised to be independent
and self-reliant. Those are American virtues, after all! As a result, I often
think I’m in control, relying on my own “understanding” of a situation, but as
the author of Proverbs points out, that’s a mistake I won’t make when I trust
in the Lord with all my heart. Note that the Scripture doesn’t tell us to trust
in the Lord with all our mind; I’ve been down that road, too, trying to find
God through study and intellect, and while I knew a lot about God, I never felt like I really knew God as an intimate friend.
That’s when I realized that all the book learning in the world does not
substitute for a real relationship. Trust is about becoming vulnerable to
another being, about interacting on a personal basis. It requires paying
attention to the now moment, since
the present is where we experience God’s presence.
That means that, if we’re deep into
rumination, obsessively focused on thinking our way through the past or trying
to mentally control our future, we’re missing out on God’s powerful presence
right here and now. Yes, God has given women wonderful brains to use – and we should!
– but we need to temper our head-strong impulses with a deep heartfelt trust
that God is always for us. When we trust in the Lord with all our heart, we don’t
need to ruminate, because our past, present, and future, are safe in His care.
“He has promised, and He will do it.”
Hebrews 10:23
Besides, chewing cud is so unattractive,
don’t you agree?
Jan Dunlap is the author of the humorous memoir Saved by Gracie: How a rough-and-tumble rescue dog dragged me back to health, happiness, and God, and the laugh-out-loud Birder Murder Mystery series. The mother of five grown children, Jan delights in finding God and laughter in the everyday moments of life to share with her readers and audiences.
Jan welcomes visitors to her website at jandunlap.com and her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Birder-Murder-Mama/126389054114777?ref=hl or @BirderMurder on Twitter.
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