"Do you Forgive or Excuse?" By Robbie Iobst with a #GiveAway!

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 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 
1 John 1:9

Forgiveness is difficult.  Excusing is easy. 

Excusing sounds like, “It’s no big deal.  No problem!  It’s okay.” 

Forgiveness sounds like, “That hurt me, but I forgive you.”

In our world, the two are often interchanged.  That worries me.  Accidentally bumping into someone or even forgetting to call back can be excused with, “It’s fine.”  When someone bumps into our heart, denting it, even a little, we need to forgive, not excuse.

My husband hurts my feelings.  He asks for forgiveness.  I tell him, “It’s fine.”  He answers, “No, it’s not fine to do that. Please forgive me.” 

I tell my husband I’m sorry I was late, but the traffic was horrible.  I’m asking for forgiveness, but subtly I’m saying it wasn’t my fault.  I don’t need forgiveness; I need to have my excuse accepted.

Now, I know this may be a matter of semantics for many folks, but this is a problem that we can correct in our own words and hearts, and ergo maybe make a difference in someone else’s life, who may in turn change their words.

It matters.  It matters because our hearts need to be validated and valued in a world where dealing with conflict is done on TV reality shows but not in our own lives.  Dealing with conflict and hurt is a sure way to guard our hearts.  We must tend our hearts as if they were precious and precarious, which they are.

Here are some simple ways to do this.

1. Teach your children to say, “I’m sorry.  Forgive me for …”  Naming what they did wrong points out to them specific behavior, and it validates the heart of the person hurt. 
2. In friendship, instead of saying, “I’m sorry that I…” say, “Please forgive me for…”  Again, it names your behavior, and it validates your friend’s heart.
3. Learn to distinguish between excusing and forgiving, and take responsibility for each.
4. In your family, make it a practice to not use excusing terms (It’s fine, no problem, forget about it,) for one month to bring attention to how we excuse behavior.
5. Ask God to help you see the subtle difference between excusing and forgiving and how our culture is downplaying forgiveness.

In my new novel, Cecilia Jackson’s Last Chance, three women reunite after twenty-five years apart.  Ghosts of past behavior accompany them; forgiveness is needed between the three, but excusing it is a temptation.  “Oh, we were young and stupid,” would be easy, but forgiveness, unlike excusing, brings out the offenses, deals with them, and buries them.  When these three characters forgive, like when we forgive, it is easier to put away the offenses forever.  If they, or we, excuse behavior instead of offering full forgiveness, the offense will continue to pop up over and over. 

1 Corinthians 13: 9 says, “…Love keeps no record of wrongs.” The first step to burning the scorecard many of us carry around is to forgive, truly forgive, not excuse. 

From the author, Robbie Iobst:

I am an author and speaker with a desire to use words for Jesus.  I love to laugh and use humor to spread God’s love and to encourage others not to take life so seriously.  My heart is set on God’s pilgrimage for me, to become all He wants me to be. 

My husband and son are gifts from God.  I love good movies, great reads, and scrapbooking.  Getting published several times this past year has made me understand that God wants me to be USEFUL; I am doing my best.

Connect with Robbie at:
www.robbieiobst.com
robbieiobst.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/authorRobbieIobst

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The Power of Forgiveness - By @Emily Laney

Photo credit: Keoni Cabral 
(creative commons)

The Power of Forgiveness
 

By 
Emily Walters Laney

I love this month’s theme on the Church 4 Chicks blog: “The Power of Christ IN us”.  It’s a simple statement, but it really packs a punch, and honestly, I didn’t know where to start with this post at first.  I mean, how do you encompass such a powerful statement in 500 words?  

Over breakfast at our favorite local spot one Saturday, I explained the theme to my husband. “What should I write about?” I asked him as I took a bite of my cinnamon roll French toast (FYI, best breakfast ever, so good.) 

He didn’t even hesitate with his answer, “Forgiveness.” 

At first I was hesitant, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he is absolutely right.  What demonstrates the power of Christ in us more than our ability to forgive?  I think about the cross, and as Christ was suffering immense pain that most of us can’t even fathom, he spoke truth over the whole world.  

“Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'" – Luke 23:34a. 

The humility, the restraint, the power that Jesus demonstrated with those words are hard for me to comprehend sometimes.  The Creator of the Universe came to walk with us, to dwell with us, and then He suffered and died for us, and he forgave us!  I know in my own life I betray Christ and deny Him in many ways.  I don’t stand up for my faith like I should.  I am quiet when I should speak up more for His truth.  I am silent about injustice when I should tirelessly advocate.  I am prideful and look out for my own interests over those of others.  I’m a mess y’all, and even though I have plenty of things to ask forgiveness for, sometimes I can be slow to forgive others. 

I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I can be pretty sensitive.  I also really love to be in close community with others, so when I feel left out, betrayed, or ignored, it hurts.  Even though I have been forgiven for so many things (see above), I still struggle to forgive others.  I was reminded of this recently as I ruminated over a situation for days.  It got to a point where I knew that my lack of forgiveness was going to hurt me more than it would hurt the person by whom I felt betrayed.

Forgiveness isn’t easy.  Life is hard, and the source of our pain is usually from people close to us. We are all human, and we all have been on the giving and receiving sides of pain.  Some of the pain that we experience in this life feels unbearable.  Sometimes the hurts committed against us feels so crippling and so intense that we don’t think we could possibly offer forgiveness. 

That’s where the power of Christ comes in.  Christ dwells in us, and it’s with His power that we can forgive.  It’s not always easy, but with Him all things are possible.  If you are holding on to hurts, know that Christ wants to take that burden.  My prayer is that all of us can encourage and lift each other up to fully embrace the power that comes when we forgive.  

Emily Laney Bio:

Emily Laney is a social worker, educator, and justice seeker.  She has worked with vulnerable populations in the United States and abroad and loves to help startup nonprofits reach their goals.  She is a Passion City Church door holder and leads a team of abolitionists at Not for Sale Georgia.  She loves her husband Brent and their rescue pup Biscuit.  Sunsets and Sushi make her happy.  

You can connect with Emily on twitter @emilylaney or on her blog www.emilylaney.com

Matthew West - Forgiveness (Official Lyric Video) from matthew-west on GodTube.

Forgiveness: A Good Place To Start! A Guest Post by Renee Fisher, @devotionaldiva

Photo By Renee Fisher

Forgiveness: A Good Place To Start! 

By

Renee Fisher 

Maybe you’re the one wrestling with choices from the past.  You’re in deep sorrow. Maybe you’re bitter.  No matter what the pain of the past, God offers His hand.

Before His crucifixion, Jesus warned Peter that he would one day deny Him.  Peter was horrified at the idea.  “No way!” he said.  “I’ll never deny You.”…but then he did.  He denied that he had ever known Jesus…three times.

Ouch.  Never make a deal you can’t keep.  Peter broke his word even after Jesus gave him a warning.  How do you make sense of that?

Fortunately, the story’s not over.  I love what happens later.  After Jesus had risen from the dead He was eating and chilling with His disciples.  He took Peter aside during breakfast and asked him a tough question.  He said, “Do you love Me” (You can read the whole story in John 21:15-19). 

Now, we unfortunately only have one word for love in the English language.  In Greek there are three words.  The first is eros, which means romance or sexual love.  The second, phileo means a brotherly love.  It suggests deep affection, like you have for your closest friends.  Agape love is the strongest of all.  It can’t be earned but can only be freely given.  It’s a love that comes without expectations.  This is the kind of love Christ showed for us when He died on the cross. 

When Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, he was talking about agape--the granddaddy of all love.  Peter says, “Yes, Lord.  You know that I love you.”  Sounds pretty good and nice…but they’re not talking about the same thing.  Jesus is asking, “Do you agape me?” and Peter responds, “I phileo you.”  He’s basically saying, “I heart you, Friend.”  That’s not what Jesus wants.  It’s only phileo love.  Jesus asks Peter again, “Do you agape me?”  “I phileo you,” says Peter.  Jesus asks one more time, but this time he changes it up.  “Peter do you phileo me?”  He says.  “Do you heart me, Friend?” and Peter says, “Yes!” 

I love how God knows how much we fail and screw up miserably, and yet He sees us in our pain and meets us where we are.  He wants and tries for the best in each one of us.  He knows us personally enough to know when we’re not giving our all, or when we’re not even capable of loving.  What a fantastic day of questions for Peter and Jesus.  I’m sure they both went away thinking, "Phew! That’s a good place to start!"

~ Adapted from “Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me.” © 2013 Harvest House Publishers.  If you would like to know more about how to forgive others as well as yourself, please feel free to check out Renee Fisher’s new book on Amazon releasing August 1^st.  

Renee Fisher, the Devotional Diva®, is the spirited speaker and author of Faithbook of Jesus, Not Another Dating Book, Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, and Loves Me Not.  A graduate of Biola University, Renee’s mission in life is to “spur others forward” (Hebrews 10:24) using the lessons learned from her own trials to encourage others in their walk with God.  She and her husband, Marc, live in California with their dog, Rock Star.  Learn more about Renee at www.devotionaldiva.com and her newest book at www.forgivingme.com.