"Do you Forgive or Excuse?" By Robbie Iobst with a #GiveAway!

Win a Copy of Robbie's newest book.
See below for details!
 

 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 
1 John 1:9

Forgiveness is difficult.  Excusing is easy. 

Excusing sounds like, “It’s no big deal.  No problem!  It’s okay.” 

Forgiveness sounds like, “That hurt me, but I forgive you.”

In our world, the two are often interchanged.  That worries me.  Accidentally bumping into someone or even forgetting to call back can be excused with, “It’s fine.”  When someone bumps into our heart, denting it, even a little, we need to forgive, not excuse.

My husband hurts my feelings.  He asks for forgiveness.  I tell him, “It’s fine.”  He answers, “No, it’s not fine to do that. Please forgive me.” 

I tell my husband I’m sorry I was late, but the traffic was horrible.  I’m asking for forgiveness, but subtly I’m saying it wasn’t my fault.  I don’t need forgiveness; I need to have my excuse accepted.

Now, I know this may be a matter of semantics for many folks, but this is a problem that we can correct in our own words and hearts, and ergo maybe make a difference in someone else’s life, who may in turn change their words.

It matters.  It matters because our hearts need to be validated and valued in a world where dealing with conflict is done on TV reality shows but not in our own lives.  Dealing with conflict and hurt is a sure way to guard our hearts.  We must tend our hearts as if they were precious and precarious, which they are.

Here are some simple ways to do this.

1. Teach your children to say, “I’m sorry.  Forgive me for …”  Naming what they did wrong points out to them specific behavior, and it validates the heart of the person hurt. 
2. In friendship, instead of saying, “I’m sorry that I…” say, “Please forgive me for…”  Again, it names your behavior, and it validates your friend’s heart.
3. Learn to distinguish between excusing and forgiving, and take responsibility for each.
4. In your family, make it a practice to not use excusing terms (It’s fine, no problem, forget about it,) for one month to bring attention to how we excuse behavior.
5. Ask God to help you see the subtle difference between excusing and forgiving and how our culture is downplaying forgiveness.

In my new novel, Cecilia Jackson’s Last Chance, three women reunite after twenty-five years apart.  Ghosts of past behavior accompany them; forgiveness is needed between the three, but excusing it is a temptation.  “Oh, we were young and stupid,” would be easy, but forgiveness, unlike excusing, brings out the offenses, deals with them, and buries them.  When these three characters forgive, like when we forgive, it is easier to put away the offenses forever.  If they, or we, excuse behavior instead of offering full forgiveness, the offense will continue to pop up over and over. 

1 Corinthians 13: 9 says, “…Love keeps no record of wrongs.” The first step to burning the scorecard many of us carry around is to forgive, truly forgive, not excuse. 

From the author, Robbie Iobst:

I am an author and speaker with a desire to use words for Jesus.  I love to laugh and use humor to spread God’s love and to encourage others not to take life so seriously.  My heart is set on God’s pilgrimage for me, to become all He wants me to be. 

My husband and son are gifts from God.  I love good movies, great reads, and scrapbooking.  Getting published several times this past year has made me understand that God wants me to be USEFUL; I am doing my best.

Connect with Robbie at:
www.robbieiobst.com
robbieiobst.blogspot.com
https://www.facebook.com/authorRobbieIobst

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Forgiveness: A Good Place To Start! A Guest Post by Renee Fisher, @devotionaldiva

Photo By Renee Fisher

Forgiveness: A Good Place To Start! 

By

Renee Fisher 

Maybe you’re the one wrestling with choices from the past.  You’re in deep sorrow. Maybe you’re bitter.  No matter what the pain of the past, God offers His hand.

Before His crucifixion, Jesus warned Peter that he would one day deny Him.  Peter was horrified at the idea.  “No way!” he said.  “I’ll never deny You.”…but then he did.  He denied that he had ever known Jesus…three times.

Ouch.  Never make a deal you can’t keep.  Peter broke his word even after Jesus gave him a warning.  How do you make sense of that?

Fortunately, the story’s not over.  I love what happens later.  After Jesus had risen from the dead He was eating and chilling with His disciples.  He took Peter aside during breakfast and asked him a tough question.  He said, “Do you love Me” (You can read the whole story in John 21:15-19). 

Now, we unfortunately only have one word for love in the English language.  In Greek there are three words.  The first is eros, which means romance or sexual love.  The second, phileo means a brotherly love.  It suggests deep affection, like you have for your closest friends.  Agape love is the strongest of all.  It can’t be earned but can only be freely given.  It’s a love that comes without expectations.  This is the kind of love Christ showed for us when He died on the cross. 

When Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, he was talking about agape--the granddaddy of all love.  Peter says, “Yes, Lord.  You know that I love you.”  Sounds pretty good and nice…but they’re not talking about the same thing.  Jesus is asking, “Do you agape me?” and Peter responds, “I phileo you.”  He’s basically saying, “I heart you, Friend.”  That’s not what Jesus wants.  It’s only phileo love.  Jesus asks Peter again, “Do you agape me?”  “I phileo you,” says Peter.  Jesus asks one more time, but this time he changes it up.  “Peter do you phileo me?”  He says.  “Do you heart me, Friend?” and Peter says, “Yes!” 

I love how God knows how much we fail and screw up miserably, and yet He sees us in our pain and meets us where we are.  He wants and tries for the best in each one of us.  He knows us personally enough to know when we’re not giving our all, or when we’re not even capable of loving.  What a fantastic day of questions for Peter and Jesus.  I’m sure they both went away thinking, "Phew! That’s a good place to start!"

~ Adapted from “Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me.” © 2013 Harvest House Publishers.  If you would like to know more about how to forgive others as well as yourself, please feel free to check out Renee Fisher’s new book on Amazon releasing August 1^st.  

Renee Fisher, the Devotional Diva®, is the spirited speaker and author of Faithbook of Jesus, Not Another Dating Book, Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, and Loves Me Not.  A graduate of Biola University, Renee’s mission in life is to “spur others forward” (Hebrews 10:24) using the lessons learned from her own trials to encourage others in their walk with God.  She and her husband, Marc, live in California with their dog, Rock Star.  Learn more about Renee at www.devotionaldiva.com and her newest book at www.forgivingme.com.

Speaking in Pencil - A Guest Blog by Melissa Driggers

Photo By Melissa Driggers

Speaking in Pencil 

By

Melissa Driggers 

She called me today, heartbroken.  Words had been spoken – cruel ones. The kind that leaves a wound, then a bruise, and then a scar that remains to maliciously remind. These words had wounded a loved one, and I was overcome with conviction and repentance when she shared her deepest ache through sobs of pain at the effect of the soul-crushing comments.   

You might be thinking that she is the grieving recipient.  She isn’t.  She is the grieving deliverer.  Her cries were so gut-deep that I could barely understand her.                                                    

“Oh Melissa, I hurt the one I love so badly.  How do I fix this?”  

My heart aches for her.  And for the one she loves.  And for me.  Because I have been that person.  I am that person.  While there is a population out there that would boldly proclaim that I have spoken encouraging words over them, there is yet another population (hopefully much smaller) that can describe the painful marks left on their hearts by my ruthless words.  And usually to the ones I love the most.  I don’t even like to think about it.   

Even with the most sincere of apologies offered, and even with the truest of repentant hearts, the memory lingers in the heart of the wounded.  The scar is left to remind, and from that point forward it becomes a battle within that the wounded must fight when someone or something unknowingly opens that scar.    

We write on the heart-slate of one another.  We can trample a heart with  

One. 

Single. 

Word. 

He entrusts us with words.  His words.  Words to edify, exhort, and encourage one another.  Words to build up, inspire, and to lead with humility.  Words to offer hope, comfort, and words to heal.  Words to proclaim the Truth of His love, mercy, and grace.  Yet with the same mouth that we share His words, we shoot sharp darts that can brutally pierce the heart of another. 

Sometimes, too many times, I wish I could speak in pencil.  That eraser would be so handy.  As the magical word-remover leaves its evidence of black flecks where punishing words once were, we could point to the dust and show the unlucky recipient the proof that the word was no longer there.  

"See, look, I didn’t mean it.  It’s gone!  We can just forget this ever happened..."   

If only.  Unfortunately, indelible ink doesn’t have a handy little eraser. 

I have some good news, though.

As powerful as our words spoken may seem to be, they are powerless in the presence of the God of the Redeemed.  For harsh words spoken, as we repent, there is grace (oh, so much grace) and forgiveness to cover the sin.  Period.  Done.   

As powerful as painful words received may seem to be, they are powerless in the presence of the God of healing and restoration.   No wound is too deep for Him to touch and to heal.  With faith, prayer, time, and forgiveness, God can and will heal a wounded heart.    

May we be reminded today, to pray His words: 

May the words of my mouth and this meditation 

of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, 

my Rock and my Redeemer.

(Psalm 19:14)

Would you join me in taking some time to listen to this song as you pray and dedicate your words to Him today? 

(Shane & Shane, "May The Words of My Mouth")

Link to music:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY0FHMME2dU

About Me:  Reminded daily that I’m being chased by the One I pursue. Cancer survivor,  encourager, teacher, speaker, blogger, writer.  Passionate about relationships, coffee, books, my kids (who are “technically” canine but they think they are human), and cooking for the people I love.  

Contact: infieldsofgrace@gmail.com

 For more information about Melissa contact her at her blog/website at www.infieldsofgrace.com  

Why We Need Grace

Photo By Amelia Grace Photography

Why We Need Grace

By

Cheryl Laurenza, MA, LPC, NCC

BCPCC, CPCS, ACS

“There is now no condemnation or those who are in Christ Jesus.” Rom.8:1

In thinking about grace, there has been so much said, written, preached etc. that sometimes we lose the incredible, transforming truth that it is. I was watching American Idol a few weeks ago when a young contestant named Angela Miller performed a song she wrote herself called “You Set Me Free." It was interesting that the judges were moved to tears and were astonished by her talent and performance. I believe it was more likely that they heard truth and though perhaps they did not understand it, wanted it, felt the Spirit tug or maybe they had experienced it at one time earlier in life.

Nevertheless, it was about being forgiven, set free, rescued form the bondage that she had been in before, and there was joy and a deep understanding as she sang that love song to her Savior. The singer did not speak of earning it by works, being good enough, or cleaning her act up first, simply  accepting the grace that came when He stepped into her life. I get chills listening to it on YouTube and reminding myself that no matter how long it has been; we have been set free for free!!! That's grace my friend. Walk in it today. Remind yourself often that I stand free, clean, loved, and accepted.

2013 All Rights Reserved

Cheryl Laurenza, MA, LPC, NCC

BCPCC, CPCS, ACS

The Refuge Counseling Center

500 Sun Valley Dr. Suite C-1

Roswell, GA 30076

P: 678 693 2281

F: 770 640 9287

Cheryl@refugecounselingcenter.org

www.refugecounselingcenter.org

The Granary

Photo by Lori Kennedy

The Granary

by

Lori Kennedy

“Don’t you know that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for?” (I Corinthians 6:19 – The Message)

I recently heard this old story about how the spot was chosen for God’s holy temple…

Two brothers worked in a common field and a common mill.  Each night they divided whatever grain they had produced and each took his portion home.

One brother was single and one was married with a large family.  The single brother decided that his married brother, with all those kids, certainly needed more grain than he did, so at night he secretly crept over to his brother’s granary and gave him an extra portion.  The married brother realized that his single brother didn’t have any children to care for him in his old age.  Concerned about his brother’s future, he got up each night and secretly deposited some grain in his single brother’s granary.

One night they met halfway between the two granaries, and each brother realized what the other was doing.  They embraced, and as the story goes, God witnessed what happened and said, “This is a holy place – a place of love – and it is HERE that MY temple shall be built.”

Brotherly love and self sacrifice for others becomes a place of Godly love… A HOLY PLACE!  THIS – YOUR BODY - is where the Holy Spirit lives and where God builds His temple!

Is there someone you have hurt, intentionally or unintentionally that you need to confess to and reconcile with so that your body can become a Holy place where God can build His temple?

Is there someone that you need to forgive so that you can feel God’s Holy love in your heart?

Is there a place in your life where you need to be more self sacrificing and less selfish so that the Holy Spirit can live in you and show itself to others through you?

Is there a way that you are living that is squandering what God paid such a high price for?  Are you desecrating your body which is God’s sacred place?  Is your body – heart, mind – soul – strength – pre pared to be God’s temple?

God reigns His grace down upon you – He wants to build His temple in you!  He has given you free will to decide how you want to accept that precious gift of grace!