I Wanted To Yell STOP!
ByCherie Zack
There are times that I have felt
unloved by my husband and hurt by his words or careless gestures. Many times I
have wanted to yell, "Stop!"
I wanted Bill to know how I really
felt, but feared 'punishment' from him. I wish I knew when this seed
was planted. What I do know is what kept my mouth closed was fear!
Fear
that he would yell at me.....
Fear
that he would hate me.....
Fear
that he would leave me.......
Fear that
he would no longer love me.......
Everyone goes through situations in
their lives that create fear and weakness. Fear can be paralyzing and is so
unhealthy spiritual and mentally. Are
you with me?
This fear drew me to
unhealthy thoughts. Unhealthy needs. Unhealthy places. Things had gotten so out
of control I finally realized one day that I needed help.
The fear I struggled with resulted
in the same perpetual thought running through my mind. “I want a husband that
saw me as the only girl in the world, who loved me unconditionally and
recognized that I was a work in progress.” And yet this was not happening. Why?
Perfect love casts out fear.
I did a key-word search on the word
perfect and 1 John 4:18 leaped at me.
“There
is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do
with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
Punishment!! There is one of my key
words. God was showing me that perfect love is only found in my relationship
with Him. Not Bill. And the revelation finally hit home.
What I was asking Bill to give me was perfect
love. And then it hit me…
“Bill
can't give me perfect love because he is not perfect.”
As I meditated on this statement God
whispered the following words to me, If you want change to begin in Bill,
change needs to begin in you first! This thought was so in my face that
an internal struggle with God began to take place.
"Why do I have to change first?"
came right out of my mouth along with other thoughts as well. God stopped me with this one question…
"Do you love Bill enough to surrender
your fear to me?"
Big, big, question for me. So
big in fact I almost said no! God was asking me to trust Him in a place where
fear had resided for so long. In a strange way, I found refuge in the fear. But Fear was now gripping my heart.
Could I let go?
Could I trust God in this area?
Could I trust Bill?
My heart began to beat so fast I
could hear it with every question that gripped my mind. Lord, please help me.
Can I let go of fear?
Are you dealing with Fear? Can you
let Perfect Love have its way? Surrender was so scary for me. But I
have learned that God will catch me no matter what I face or the decisions I
make.
It's been a few years since that day. I have struggled along the way but I
have also seen change happen in me and even in Bill.
Sometime I can hear God say, "Good job, Cherie. Now you're getting
it!"
Can you relate?
Father, we thank you for our husbands, no matter how
imperfect they are. Teach us to love without fear and let change begin with us
first! In Jesus Name we pray, Amen.
His strength for my weakness,
Cherie
Cherie Zack is the founder and president of The Imperfect
Wives and Imperfect Wives, Inc. She has been ministering to women for more than
10 years. She is a certified Biblical counselor in the areas of Marriage and
Family and Women’s Ministry. As well as being the founder of The Imperfect
Wives, in 2010 Cherie was appointed Director of the women’s ministry
department of the South Carolina District Council of the Assemblies of God
where she serves more than 100 pastors and women’s ministry
leaders. Cherie and Bill have been married for 19 years and have 4
children. They reside in Beaufort, South Carolina.
