Not Marked - by @lori_kennedy

I recently had the opportunity to connect with prolific author, Mary DeMuth about her newest book “Not Marked” which tells about her journey through recovery from childhood sexual abuse which many of you know is near and dear to my heart as I am also a survivor of sexual abuse from those in authority over me outside of my family of origin.  I was honored to help support this book as Mary self published it through a Indiegogo crowdfunding platform since many of the mainstream publishers shied away from it.  I have not yet read it but cannot wait to read it and see what God does in and through Mary with this project.

How did Not Marked come about and why did you decide to write it?

I wrote a post last spring on Deeper Story that went crazy. You can read it here. The comments OVERWHELMED me. So many people shared my story of sexual abuse, and it still affected them today. So I sat down and wrote Not Marked as a gift for them. When I pitched the book to publishers, they said no. Just too risky. And yet I knew it was a message that needed to be out there. So I wrote it anyway, crowdfunded it on Indiegogo, and am publishing it myself.

What's the significance of the title NOT MARKED?

I always felt I had this indelible mark on me after the initial year of sexual abuse when I was five. (You can learn the whole story here. Other predators seemed to see that mark and tried to steal from me again. Thankfully, I learned how to run away. But now I’ve experienced significant healing. So much so, that I no longer feel marked. It’s possible. I’m proof. (as are many others).

When you wrote the book, did you have to walk through further stress, reliving some of the past?

Unfortunately, yes. It’s been 41 years since the sexual abuse. I figured I’d sit down and write the book and be done with it. But as I wrote it, my husband started noticing my downward emotional spiral. That’s when we set a deadline of one week to write the book. I just couldn’t revisit the book for weeks and weeks.

Why did you choose to include your husband’s insights as you wrote the book?

Sexual abuse hurts more than just the victim. My husband suffered for what those boys stole from me. It wasn’t fair—both to me and to him. We have had to have some very frank discussions about uncomfortable things. Initially when we were first married, I could not bring those things up. Eventually I did, and we began to heal together.

He responded to each chapter with a few paragraphs, sharing the perspective of a survivor’s friend or spouse. I know there are many people out there who love a sexual abuse victim but don’t know how to love and support them through the healing. Having Patrick’s voice will help those folks know they’re not alone.

What are some scars you still have? How has your story been redeemed?

I still startle easily. I catastrophize my thinking. (If one bad thing happens, I think the whole world is ending). I still struggle with disconnection during sex. All these things are getting better, but I don’t consider myself fully healed. Heaven brings that.

The transformation has been a decades-long process. I can confidently say that God has done some amazing healing in me. I’m farther than I was five years ago. Today I have a boldness to speak about this issue that can only come from God.

For more information on Not Marked: http://www.notmarked.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/notmarked 

His daughter, your sister,

Lori Kennedy

ALPHA OMEGA MINISTRIES

www.lorikennedy.com

678.725.6362

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Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love.  He will rejoice over you with singing."

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An Interview with Mary DeMuth by @Lori_Kennedy #NotMarked

I recently had the pleasure to connect with author Mary DeMuth. In addition to publishing 14 books including 6 novels with publishers such as Thomas Nelson, Zondervan, Tydale, NavPress, and Harvest House Publishers, she and her husband also planted a church in Southern France. She likes to say she suffered for Jesus on the Riviera. Mary is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and has a heart for healing to those that have been wounded in this way. We spoke about her newest project, a book called "Not Marked." This book is too “risky” for mainstream Christian publishing so Mary has set out to make it happen through a fundraising platform called Indiegogo. I asked Mary a few questions about her healing journey and here is what she told me.

  

1. I’ve come to realize that healing is truly a journey. Mary, what do you see are the differences between what He’s showing you now in your healing journey versus 5 or 10 years ago?

I am just so much happier than I was ten years ago. I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I’m less insecure, which has ramifications in the healing journey. I’m more willing to talk out my pain than I was, particularly ten years ago. I’m learning that I’m loved by God. You’d think I’d have that down by now, but it’s a constant struggle. The thing God is doing in my life right now is showing me that I’m worthy of His love, His fatherly affection, His kindness.

2. Along this same vein, what are some thought patterns that you used to struggle with that you have successfully overcome with God’s help?

I still struggle, but I’m learning to take those thoughts captive. I am guilty of catastrophic thinking. If one bad thing happens, I tend to wallow that the whole world is falling apart.  I now realize I do this (which is part of the solution), so I try to remind myself that one bad thing doesn’t taint an entire day. When you’re sexually abused, you can tend to think it’s okay to be used. I’m learning to put my foot down when someone tries to step over that line and then NOT feel guilty about doing it later. I better recognize predatory tendencies in others. I have more hope. 

3. What are some thoughts that you still struggle with and how do you overcome them when they crop up?

Those mean voices in my head that say things like, “Why would anyone want to help you publish a book? Who are you? You’re not worth helping. You’re this.  You’re that.”  Ouch.  Just typing them makes me a bit crazy. I can’t seem to fully eradicate this angry-mean voice! 

Click the Pic to Become a Healer

4. Mary, please tell us what is unique about "Not Marked."  

It’s a sexual abuse recovery book written by a sexual abuse survivor, not a clinician, and it includes my husband’s perspective as someone who loves a sexual abuse victim.

5. What is the structure of this book, and how will it best be used?  For example, should it be done as a group study or one on one, alone with God?

It can be both. I take readers through my journey, share what has helped, with each chapter focusing on an aspect of healing. If we fund "Not Marked," one of the stretch goals (for further funding) is to create a study for small group  and possibly (if funded) my husband and I teaching a video study.

6. I would love to let our readers know how we can pray for you, how to best connect with you and your ministry, and what God is doing in and through you.

Please pray for my heart during this 30-day process. It swings wildly from anticipation to despair! Pray that the right folks will connect with the project. Pray for funding. The best place for folks to get to know me better is my website:http://www.marydemuth.com. I have a free eBook for subscribers on the blog page called 12 Steps to Impossible Joy that’ll help folks move beyond pain toward the joyful life they’ve always wanted.

Warmly,
Mary

Oh, how I feel that we are kindred spirits, and it emboldens my heart to hear of her courageous journey! I am honored to be part of the project "Not Marked" in a small way.  You can also be part of this project to help get out this book, which gives hope and healing to those with this type of wounding. Her goal is $10,000 by September 25^th; however, any overage will go toward including an additional workbook and video series for a Bible study.  Please pray about how you can support these efforts and visit the following link for more information. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/not-marked/x/1758815

Lori Kennedy

Alpha Omega Ministries

www.lorikennedy.com

Finding Radiance in a World of Shame #Shine

I remember walking into church one Sunday two years ago and someone looked at me and said, "You are glowing." I thought he was crazy really! 

He said, "No, there's something different about you. There's light in your eyes." 

I didn't feel different. My clothes weren't new. My hair was the same. But the inside had changed. 

It was Jesus. 

Though I had been a Christian for a few years, something was missing. I had darkness inside me that I kept tucked away for safekeeping. Even though the darkness was destroying me, it was safe. 

Shame was safe. Brokenness was comfortable. Distrust of others had become routine. Though everything in me wanted to change, wanted to let go, I had created a feeling of being content with the crazy safety net I had built around my heart. 

God was calling me for something bigger. I drowned out His voice with negative self-talk, followed by food, and then added another dose of hurtful words to my wounds. You're not good enough for that job. She doesn't really want to be your friend. You'll never amount to anything. Why don't you just give up now? 

I didn't deserve to be called by God.  

Somehow being sexually abused was my fault. No one, not even God, could love me. My father's choice to be an alcoholic was my fault. What if I could have done something different? If only I could have been better, men wouldn't have hurt me. If only I could have tried harder to make everyone happy. 

When you reach a level of brokenness and the only way you can go is up, you're right where you need to be. Right where God can finally get you to listen. That's how it was for me anyway. 

I reached a bottom and the things that had protected me, or so I thought, had literally destroyed me. But only temporarily. 

I came to a point of surrender. I unclenched my fists, waved the white flag and said, "God, you win! I'm yours."  

He gave me these words: 

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." Psalm 34:5

Shame. Guilt. Pride. Day by day God stripped those things away. Layer by layer He removed the pieces of brokenness. 

Radiance. That's what my friend saw that day. It was God's radiant light shining in me from knowing who I am in Christ. From the confidence of knowing I am the apple of His eye. From the assurance of knowing that He will never leave me. 

What are you holding onto today that God is reaching out for? What fear is keeping you from surrendering to His call for you? 

Let it go. Trust. Look up. Radiance is waiting for you. 

Sundi Jo is a writer, speaker, and social media consultant, making her home in Branson, Missouri. You’ll either find her engulfed in the social media world, spending time with family and friends, running, hanging out in a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and flip flops, or writing for the Kingdom. You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.