Q and A from friend Me? Conference 3/16/2013

Someone at the Friend Me? Conference asked the counseling panel this question: 

"My brother asked me to lie to a friend. If he is a believer, why ask me to lie?" 

I think there may be two parts to your question: 

1.  If my brother is a believer, why does he sin and want me to sin? 

Just because your brother is a Christian, it doesn't mean he is perfect. 

Before we were Christians we were spring-loaded to the sin position. It was impossible not to sin. Sure we could do “good” things, but our motives are probably self-centered. In 1 John 1: 8 "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." Though we strive for perfection (Matthew 5:48) our old nature still exists. If you read Romans 7, you will see that Paul struggled with his sin nature, but he knew that one day he would be victorious.  

When we become believers we have the Holy Spirit living in us. For the first time we have the power not to sin. However, but are still human. Because of the Fall, we live in a broken world. We are still capable of ignoring the Holy Spirit's power.  

2. I think a second part of your question might be, “Is it okay to tell my brother I won’t lie for him?” 

Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you feel like he has more influence over you than he should? Do you feel like there will be a price to pay if you don't lie?  

If you struggle with these questions you might want to read the book, Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend. Or you may want to see a counselor to help you work on these struggles.

Lucille Zimmerman is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in Littleton, CO and an affiliate faculty professor at Colorado Christian University. 

She is also the author of Renewed: Finding Your Inner Happy in an Overwhelmed World. Through practical ideas and relatable anecdotes, readers can better understand their strengths and their passions—and address some of the underlying struggles or hurts that make them want to keep busy or minister to others to the detriment of themselves. Renewed can help nurture those areas of women’s lives to use them better for work, family, and service. It gives readers permission to examine where they spend their energy and time, and learn to set limits and listen to “that inner voice."